They say UNIVERSITY (or College) is supposed to be the best years of your life. Looking back on these four years, I can definitely say that I’ve been through a lot. Experiences tend to make life interesting and worth living.
In all honesty, most I could’ve done without.
The thing I’ll remember most from University are all the lies and the masks that people wore. Whether it be people I thought I was closest to, to people I didn’t know, to people that I loved with all my heart— I think these impressions will stay for a lifetime.
Perhaps I’m being overly negative here, or perhaps I ought to give people the benefit of the doubt. After all, grouping everybody you’ve met into one category hardly seems fair, doesn’t it? Nor would judging someone and hating them without having ever met them or known their circumstances… But that doesn’t matter.
In the end, perhaps it’s the pity I’ve garnered or these fake relationships I have with people that have kept them close to me— that’s made them want to stay near me. Perhaps just a social obligation, for fear of looking bad, for fear of being the antagonist— it’s so much easier to conform than to say what you actually mean, after all.
And I know that all this will fade after I graduate. These loose connections couldn’t possibly hold for long. In the end, I’ll still realize that I had long lost everybody a long time ago— when that happen. Perhaps one could say that I’m somewhat influential, I’ve kept myself in a position where I try my best to shy away from being hurt or being attacked. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t. And even if it does work, it doesn’t mean that you’re liked.
In fact, perhaps I’ve always been disliked, and they just put up with me for that person’s sake. Perhaps they miss that person being around, and I’m some sort of consolation prize that they have to deal with because of the negativity I feel towards that person.
I don’t know why this is all surfacing now, but it may very well be something I’ve held inside myself for far too long. All I need to know is that this will all end, and next September, perhaps I can start a new journey.
